At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
