You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
