this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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