How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
