I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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