Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
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