I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
he thought i was a dude.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
