Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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