Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Enjoy the penises
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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