Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
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