I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
