Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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