Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
