I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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