I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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