Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
