He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
You're like the curious george of whores
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
