The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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