I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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