Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
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