I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
