Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
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