why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
