It's a beautiful day for a hangover
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Randomize
