R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
