Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
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