i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
