i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Randomize
