i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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