i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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