Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
