so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
ttyl tear gas
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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