if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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