I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
