I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
