I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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