I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I fill condoms, not promises.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
