rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
