hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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