What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
