A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
