His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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