it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
So apparently I’m into choking now
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