i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
