That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
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I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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