just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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