It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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