I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
