I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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