guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
grandma shit on top of the toilet
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
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