Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
