I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize