if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I am spending my child support on dildos
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
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