I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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