Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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