you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
How does it feel to date your dad?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
