I molested 6 butterflies tonight
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
