uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
