I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Less talking, more tequila
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
