Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
