just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
you would pick up someone in the library
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
You've changed since you got that strap on
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
