I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
