Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize