Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Randomize
