I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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