you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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