I'm eating all of the evidence.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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