This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
