At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
