i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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