It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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