So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
