so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
