I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
