Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
