They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
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